Places I could work:

WalMart
fireworks stand
subway
image design firm
gas stations

...

(Forgive the typos, it's almost midnight and I dont give a damn)

About 5 O'clock this afternoon, I cracked. I let out everything I had been holding in for way too damn long. I curled up in the corner of the room and bawled for what had to be a half hour. By the time I was done I was parched, had a headache, and had gone thru a couple dozen tissues.

And I hadn't even realised it was the second anniversary of my grandfather's passing. Fuck.

Anyway. This is mostly for me, but no just for me. Dont hold it in, have a firend to let it out to, or it can bring you down badly to stare it in the face.

I'm having to come to grips with some things I hadnt even told myself about. Like how scared I am to go out on my own, for myself, because I dont think I can safely leave my mother behind, because I'm still mad at my father after all these years, but still afraid I'll end up like him, and that when I get afraid, I sit and do nothing out of fear, rbinging myself closer without trying. About having to prepare for college by myself and both desperatly wanting help in finances but being to proud(?) to want it, despite asking a few years. ABout being barely able to keep any money in my bank account because I dont think I'll ever be able to make it, so I buy things that make me feel better in the short term. Maybe it's all just going to fall apart anyway, but I'm certainly not helping. I want to feel loved, to know that others feel loved by me, except I dont really try to make it acknowledged or understandable. I'm going to half to deal with all these pent up toughts in short order or it's going to make even more trouble. I need to start making a pattern for myself. So I'll gat up at 9 am no matter what. if I need a nap in there, I'll figure it out. I'll start put some exercise, walking biking, whatever. I should really try to get back into writing and drawing again, since I always felt doing those things but let my side-thoughts keep me from it or got disgusted at my own work.

*deep breath*

Okay, that was probably my most angsty LJ entry ever. But it will let me come back to it and figure out where to start working tomorrow. But I'm going to be too wired to sleep just yet. Bleh. I know only a handful of people ever read my LJ posts. I would really like hearing someting back on this. Most of you know me as really stable, and this whole post might be a bit of a surprise to be coming from me.

*sigh*

Can't we just have an apocolyptic event involving giant robots and get it over with?

Things to do:

* = done
/ = in progress

License:
* Practice Parallel parking.
Take Driving Test

College:
* See advisor tomorrow
File FAFSA
/ Apply for Dorm/Go Apt. Hunting
* Decide on Classes

Job:
Bug Wal*Mart about my application

Money:
* No unessesary Spending until further notice

Personal:
? Stop spinning my wheels
* Accept that my grandmother is going into her final years.
* Prepare for friend's wedding

Things to do:

License:
Practice Parallel parking.
Take Driving Test

College:
See advisor tomorrow
File FAFSA
Apply for Dorm/Go Apt. Hunting
Decide on Classes

Job:
Bug Wal*Mart about my application

Money:
No unessesary Spending until further notice

Personal:
Stop spinning my wheels
Accept that my grandmother is going into her final years.
Prepare for friend's wedding

Well, besides all that, I have a backlog of books and games to play that getting about as tall as me. I have ended up ignoring a lot of things I want to do so that when I have the free time, I dont feel like picking one. I have been reading a bit before bed, but it's still not making a lot of progress. Also, since all my stuff is in the "tv/family room" I'm almost never alone, which has always hampered my ability to enjoy reaing or gaming because I feel watched. So I end up surfing thru the same 2 dozen sites all day every day because I am too self concious or unable to decide.

BLEH.


*runs off down the street holding a DS and a copy of Guild Wars: Factions.

I probably wont see you before I leave town for a few days, so I wanted to give you this link I just found.

http://javimoya.com/blog/youtube_en.php

It'll get the video data from youtube, google video, etc and let you download it as a avi, mp4, and a few other formats so you can watch them offline...

I bet you know what I'm watching ;)

http://www.japanhero.com/sentai%20image%20pages/boukenger-29.htm

and

http://crimson233.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/.pond/crossfuse.jpg.w300h225.jpg

http://www.seedmagazine.com/news/2006/03/prime_numbers_get_hitched.php?utm_source=seedmag-main=rss&page=2

THE ANSWER REALLY IS 42!

I have a whole slew of things I should be doing. But I cant brung myself to work on them. Instead, I fiddle with Mario Kart DS, fix another something to drink, flip thru TV channels, etc.

I think about Luisa's next radio show. and if I can make sure I listen to it. Rather than figuring out how to make more money and prepare to start back to college in the fall. Heck, I even have taxes to do and just have that setting in a different pile on my nightstand.

The oddest thing about it all is that I feel stressed out, even tho I am doing practically nothing. I get my head wrapped around all these little things, and then zone out from trying to sort it all out nice and neat.

I havent played Guild Wars in about 1 month. I log in every so often to see if anyone else is on, but never do much. Mostly because a few people I talked into buying it stopped playing right while I was setting up a guild. If you feel like joining an empty guild w/hall, leave a note here I guess.

I "won" a 2 night 3 day vegas trip. but I would have to pay airfare/travel. There are some closer options on the package, buy the vegas version has some perks the others dont. Maybe I should just eBay the whole package. should be good for few hundred bucks.

Watched RENT yesterday. Pretty interesting movie... I remind myself of the cameraman (think his name was Mark)

I need to try doing some creative work. That sometimes gets me out of this kind of funk.

Hmmm, just got to thinking.

A lot of those seeing my icon probably have no idea what it really is.

"But isn't it just some kind of wind up bunny?"

To most people, that is exactly what it is.

Except this is no ordinary such toy. This is "Suicide Rabbit."

Suicide Rabbit came to me one easter, back during te short time I was living in florida with Tracks and Sean. Sean's mother sent all three of us easter baskets full of candy, a transformer toy, a few other oddities, including this little wind up toy. I ended up wanting to try out the wind up toy because I have always had an odd fasination with those little things. So I wind it up, putit down on the table, and watch it take two hops, make an odd click noise, and fall over SIDEWAYS. I pick it back up and stand it back on the table, which it then proceed to go in a straight line directly OFF the table. This would have been wierd enough, but upon trying it again, it continued to either:

A. Fall over
B. Fall off
C. Both

on ANY surface it was placed. giant counters, desks, over the course of a week I tried just about every flat surface around the apartment. Eventually I cam e to a conclusion:

This bunny had a death wish.

I keep the bunny around. Every so often someone hears the story and I have to show the bunny and let him do his thing.

Somehow, this doesnt seem funny being typed out, but let me assure you, everyone that has ever watched this thing thinks it's HILARIOUS.

Don't wanna sleep

dont wanna sleep

dont wanna sleep

hmmm, work in the morning.


for the next three days.


Might need that sleep.

Besides that I have never been one for instintivly talking about what I think, mostly becuse it's random. Today I decided to go against the grain and post a random thought.

Today I realised how much BETTER tv would be if the actors/hosts could be drunk while doing it.

Just think about wheel of fortune

No one would know if they were spinning, or the wheel was.

Sooner or later someone would fall over their display thing while trying to turn the wheel.

Ans at some point, someone would DIE by trying to stop the wheel from landing on bankrupt, and be impaled by those longetal spikes on the damn thing.

Even if someone was to ever actually win, they could waddle over and pass out behind the wheel of their new car and be arrested for drunk driving.

Absolutly nothing seems interesting. Been sick with the flu since thursday and got told by the doctor that it caused broncitus on saturday. Had to call out sick from work on friday and monday, so it's cost me money now too. In the interim, I have spent a good 15+ hours on Megaman X Collection, and have gotten to power on my DS for some Animal Crossing: Wild World and Mario Kart DS. My glasses are going to need to be replaced soon, and I'm going to need to make my quarterly trip to STL. *sigh* There goes the headway on saving money I had made. Oh Yea... I did let curiousity get te best of me and watched an Anime called "Maico 2010" last week. Interesting little series about an android doing a radio broadcaster's job. The character designs were nice, the story was spotty in the early bits, but everyone's character was defined rapidly this way, so it worked. Always a plus with me was the fact that the show jumped between serious and silly like flipping a light switch. :)

EVERYBODY NEEDS WIFI + MARIO KART DS!

heh.

hmmm,
lesse. been too long to try and recount the events since last time I posted. Major points include:

* on hiatus from school for a while to earn money
* earning money for car
* earning money for new computer
* started a computer service company for the mineola, TX area
* bought ALL of Evangelion: Platinum and enjoyed it
* loving the ABC series "Boston Legal"
* Setting up to open the unique sci-fi roleplaying system "Dracomega"

I tend to spend my spare time playing Guild Wars, watching anime or tending to my megaman needs on my GBA. I would be preparing for a Gamecube outting, but Capcom saw fit to push back the "X collection" by two months, meaning till early january of '06.

Went to the Guild Wars halloween event last night, and had one of the best times I've had in a game in a long time. Got a pumpkin crown, which turns your character's head into a pumpkin. I also have 7 of the ghost-in-box item with intend to use on xmas eve just to mix holidays for people.

I think it looks better than the regular version.

Bourbon Congratulations! You're 127 proof, with specific scores in beer (40) , wine (133), and liquor (69).

Screw all that namby-pamby chick stuff, you're going straight for the bottle and a shot glass! It'll take more than a few shots of Wild Turkey or 99 Bananas before you start seeing pink elephants. You know how to handle your alcohol, and yourself at parties.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 51% on proof You scored higher than 78% on beer index You scored higher than 99% on wine index You scored higher than 83% on liquor index

Link: The Alcohol Knowledge Test written by hoppersplit on Ok Cupid

ARTICLE FROM CHICAGO SUN-TIMES: http://www.nga.org/NewsRoom/opeds/

A gang member drives through a city, shooting police officers, stealing cars, soliciting prostitutes and then having sex with them. He's awarded extra points for beating them up, urinating on them, and throwing them from his car. As a parent, it's one of the last things I'd want my 8-year-old exposed to. Yet, every day, millions of young children spend their afternoons at the controls of video games like this one, simulating acts of murder, dismemberment, decapitation and sexual seduction.

When I grew up, my parents used to worry if I was hanging out with the wrong kid in the neighborhood. Now, our children are spending their free time practicing the same acts that if committed in real life would send them to prison. Touch football and street hockey have been replaced by the Xbox and the joystick. Games like Grand Theft Auto and Halo 2 use many of the same techniques that the United States military uses to train soldiers before they depart for Afghanistan or Iraq -- to help prepare them for hunting and killing the enemy. With reports showing that 92 percent of children between the ages of 2 and 17 are playing video games, as one parent told me the other day, we're competing with video games for the "minds and souls of our children." The video games are winning.

In fact, an Iowa State University study found that exposure to violent video games increases a child's aggressive thoughts, feelings and behavior. A similar study at Indiana University Medical School tied playing video games with an area of the brain that's directly linked to extreme behavioral disorders. And another recent study found that kids who play violent video games have lower test scores, are more hostile, and get into more arguments with their teachers and other students. It's time we did something about this.

That's why I recently proposed legislation to make Illinois the first state in the nation to prohibit selling and renting excessively violent and sexually explicit video games to children under 18. Right now, there is nothing under Illinois law that prevents our children from going into a store and buying or renting games like Grand Theft Auto, no matter how violent or sexually explicit they may be. And while retailers may argue that they do not sell violent or sexually explicit video games to children, a recent study by the Federal Trade Commission found that 69 percent of teenage boys were able to buy these games without permission from their parents. Video game manufacturers and retailers are putting profits ahead of what's best for our children, and that has to change.

We don't let our children buy cigarettes. We don't let them buy alcohol. We don't let children purchase pornography. So why would we put them in harm's way by allowing them to walk into a store and purchase violent and sexually explicit video games -- games that we suspect can cause them long-term harm?

Parents have enough to worry about already. Making a living, running a household, and doing all of the hard work it takes to raise a family is exhausting enough. Being expected to know the content of each and every video game is too much to ask.

My wife Patti and I both have jobs, and we're doing our best to raise our two young daughters. Our 8-year-old is already more technologically sophisticated than I am. But just because she knows how to download software or program the VCR doesn't mean she has the judgment and maturity to know which video games are appropriate -- especially when video game manufacturers spend hundreds of millions of dollars each year marketing violent and sexually explicit video games to children.

Children need to be taught right from wrong. And telling them they can purchase these video games -- and spend their free time practicing the very things we teach them not to do -- sends exactly the wrong message and reinforces the wrong values.

I know that some interest groups like the ACLU don't like the idea of placing limitations on anything, but when it comes to our children and their well-being, it seems to me that common sense should govern. Parents deserve a fighting chance. This legislation gives it to them.

[END ARTICLE]

[BEGIN RESPONCE]

Even though this article on game banning is interesting, and maybe threatening, this one I would probably support, because it'll have no effect.

Kid walks into store with parent, kids picks up game, takes it to register with parent, because parent is there, and assumedly knows what he/she is buying, game is sold/rented. That's how it works for the businesses. And while a parent doesn't isn't expected to know what little details are in each game, the industry has a self imposed (only industry to do so) rating system, with the rating on the COVER AND BACK of every game box. Just like a parent knows better than to let little timmy see an "R" rated movie, a parent should be able to see the box with the "M" on it, and note the word under it says "mature 18+." Doing this simple measure keeps game more violent the parent want the child to see keeps them safe. The sad trutch is just that many parent don't bother, and buy games for kids to placate them and keep them quiet. Only after the kids have grown up, and, having no one watch what they're doing (because obviously, if a parent watched a kid play such a horrible game, they'd be smart enough to turn it off) do kids act violently outward.

Also, you can't group all kids 2-19 into ONE STUDY GROUP. you're not buying the same games for a 2-6 year old as you do the 17-19 year old crowd by far, and that's just loking at the extreme sides, tastes change over years, surely you didn't read the same "see spot" book at age 18 you did at age 4. And surely you have the same picture of barney on your wall you did at age 5 now that your 20.

(stopping now before I rant on and on)

Well, I went to my uncle's house after classes today, which included my first math test of the semester, to which I posted a bit of last night while I was working the review. I think I did well, it was all stuff we did at the end of last semester. Oh well. Lesse, oh yea the uncle's house. Well, I went over about 3, taking the puppy chow snack my mother made for me over the weekend. Got there, and chicken tacitos (sp) were ready, and we all nibbled on them, and played with with my baby cousin, Duncan. He's such a cute and active baby, and he tells you want he wants. He was sitting on my grandma's lap across the room, and being all lookie and cooing and babiesh in my direction, and he didn't stop till I came and picked him up, then he spent some time on my lap, and was just fine and was even being all snuggly. If I felt anywhere near ready to have kids, and not be one, I'd want one like that. Anyways, then later there were pizza rolls, cake, ice cream, and well... everyone else went after the puppy chow too. I brought what was left back with me... about 1/3 of what I had when I started. *shrug* It would have been bad for me to eat it all alone anyways. So all in all, good food, good people, and now for some homework....

Lesse, here's a math question from my review sheet (currently doing to prepare for morning test)

Notes: number after letters are exponents, number before letters are not. :p

FACTORING

8) r2-6r+9

well, from the r2, we know that both factors have r in them, so
(r )(r )

from the 9, we'll get the numerical factors... the postive sign shows the signs are the same, and the -6r shows they're negative, so
(r- )(r- )

now we need a number that is a factor of 9 and can equal 6... so 1,9 ; 3,3 I think we have a winner, completing our answer.

(r-3)(r-3)

eh, simple enough, but I need to finish for credit, even thought I know all this... oh well.